Change of plans

I had a wonderfully snippy blog typed up ready to post for International No Diet Day in true Cindi fashion. One day it may get posted. But. Today, I learned about the passing of a dear friend I met during my time at East Carolina.

Shit. The news hit me like all bad news hits. Right to my gut. Nausea, light-headed, slight ringing in my ears. I know this feeling, unfortunately, too well.

All of the sudden, at that moment, nothing else seemed important. I needed to sit with the loss of a 32-year-old friend. 32.

Ironically I had just finished a therapy group in which we discussed grief. I talked about a Ted Talk by Nora McInerny Purmont about not moving on from the loss of someone, but simply moving forward with everything about that person.

I have her book, too, titled It's Okay to Laugh (Crying is Cool Too). The premise is that grieving takes time. Everyone experiences it differently. There is no right way to experience death and loss. Today I cried. Tomorrow I may laugh at the time she cupped my back when I was hurting and decided to make the shape into a flower. Or reminisce about the time we road-tripped to Asheville where we hiked to the most spectacular views.

Tracy shared her cancer diagnosis publicly in October. This is what she said-

"People say I'm strong, but you do what you have to do to live the life you want to live."

"One thing I have been told is that my positivity is admirable. I would rather be positive than drown in the negativity that cancer can consume someone with." She went on to explain the beautiful things that have occurred in that duration as well and ended with "Enjoy every moment. A family member told me 'with cancer, you are guaranteed today and tomorrow' but this is true for all of life.

So enjoy today. Look forward to tomorrow and choose to smile through the storm or become it."

We don't have time y'all. Tomorrow is not promised.

Living your most authentic life and loving and accepting the love of those in your circle is crucial.

The present moment is all we have. and then the next, and then the next. If anything takes away from what sets your soul on fire- let it go.

The last post that Tracy liked of mine, was the post I made of my grumpy-ness a couple of weeks ago. And the reminder to myself to find content in my present moment. "All that matters in life is that you are happy with where you are, what you are, and with whom you are. Everything around you will be happy and smile with you. If that isn't a success, then what is?"

You fought hard, Tracy. You leave a legacy of joy, love, perseverance, and strength. You will be missed and continually honored in every single person's life that you touched. Sending all my love, energy, and warmth to Chris, her family, and her close friends and coworkers.

- Cindi

In loving memory of Tracy Yoshikawa D'Errico 1988-2020